Wings Of The Angel

2007-09-24T17:20:00.000+09:00

그 누구한테도 무심함으로는

지지 않을꺼라 생각했던 내가

나보다 더 무심한 사람에게

호되게 당하고 있는 중.

_____________________________________________

People change..
I change..
Finally i know who meant alot to me..
And who doesnt..
At the end of the day.. The ones i thought i knew was just putting on a facade..
Im not a doll.. You can't control me.
Im a person with feelings.. Maybe along the way..
You forgotten about that..

Should i stay on..
or should i just go??

2007-09-19T01:38:00.000+09:00

세상 사람들은 진실을 원하는대, 얼굴에 거짓이 보여.

2007-09-17T14:39:00.000+09:00

2nd alb..

2007-09-11T01:12:00.000+09:00

Coming back 2moro..
Well today actually.. Seeing that it is 01:13am..
I dont know whether i feel like i am myself again after this break..

It doesnt feel any different from the day i left till today..
It feels kinda the same..
I don't know i never can feel that sense of wholeness..
Like it been taken away from me..
This yr..
2007..
Have been pretty hard for me..
I don't know how many tears i have shed..
And when you think about it.. Well when i think about it, is it worth it?..

To cry.. To despair.. To just give up.. Was that even me in the first place?..
How did i end up like this?.. Where did the "me" went?

School starting soon..New frens..New environment..
Will i cope?.. or most importantly.. Can i cope?

At the darkness of it all..
few pple became my light..
Liyy..Anne Unnie.. My cousins..Stephy..
And to them i will hold on to..I will hold onto their light tightly..Hopefully never letting go..

Im being much emo then usual.. But this is just my life..
You can read it.. You can ignore it.. At the end of it all..
Im just being me...

2007-09-07T23:28:00.000+09:00

At the end of it all..
Im just too tired..

2007-08-22T00:21:00.000+09:00

Woah..
been awhile since i updated my blog..
I dunno.. Maybe i just dont have the tym -.-"

Lately ive been feelin kinda blah -.-"
I dunno hw to explain it but yea ..
Leaving on fri ^^
maybe thats a gd thing..
Going on a break ..

Omgg..
I miss loads of pple...
But yea.. thats life..

2007-07-31T11:50:00.000+09:00

Send Unnie off yeste..
I told myself i wont cry..
But i did.. Gah.. Im so emo..
Maybe i see her soon.. maybe i wont.. I dunno..
I cannot see the future..
Its just a complete mystery for me..

And now..
Im missing her more everyday..
While she was here, she texted me almost everyday..
Sayin anything under e sun..
Thats wats makes her so special..
Coz with her, i cn talk abt anything..
There is no boundaries..

I love you unnie..
Take care always..

Smile always ya..

2007-07-30T00:06:00.000+09:00

Goin to take a break from forum life again.. I don't know..
Its like very once every couple of months, i will just take this break..
Don't get me wrong.. Forum life is very fun..
I mean if not for any of these forums, i would have never meet all this great people..Whom like i said on my previous post i hv come to love and trust..

But i just gotta take a break..
From translating.. From posting and such..
I think i will officially go off from there after i have finish doing my gifts for the gals..

All in all..I just want to find "me" back..
Kinda lost who i was along the way.. Lately im being more emo then usual..
Its not that i cry or anythng..
Just that i have this stupid feeling that something bad is going to happen..
Dunno wat though..

Before i forgot..let me list down the people who means alot to me excluding my family.. Think i feel like i have been taking them for granted..So here i am showing my appreciation with this couple of sentences..

Liyy - My liyana Banana.. I don't know what i do without her.. She was there everytime i was in a tight spot..Everytime i was feeling low, she knows it..And try her best to cheer me up..To coax a smile out of me.. She my twin.. She knows i love her like a sister would to another sister..I thank god everyday coz he gave me this wonderful person..

Jo Unnie - My unnie.. the most wonderful person i have ever met.. She knows everything there is to know abt me.. And she loves me like her own lil sis.. Like liyy, she been with me every step of the way..

Kaysi Unnie - Omgg.. I adore and care for this unnie more then she will ever know.. even though i just knew her in early june.. I feel as if i have known her forever.. She text me once in awhile just to say she miss me and askin me to take care of myself.. I mean can u name me any random person who would do that?.. and she lives in australia!!!

Anne Unnie -Gah.. The unnie i have come to love and care within this short period of time.. I dont know what else i cn say about her.. She one of the best.. and one of a kind.. And she always says im hers.. I will always rem all the things we did together while she was here.. Take care unnie..

Sophia -My FBI agent..haha..Man this gal is like a ray of sunshine!!! She always put a smile on my face.. And im sorry i told u, u look like the female version of tablo with ur new hairstyle..haha.. U know i dun mean it hun..haha ..

Steph -My darl.. My daughter!!! She the BEST!!!.. One of the most sweetest person i have ever met.. And i trust her to death.. She is so sincere and she always speak her mind.. i love that in a person..

And i will continue with the list 2moro..Im so tired now..
^^

2007-07-24T23:50:00.000+09:00

I dunno what to think anymore..
Of all these people whom i met..
I mean..
I dunno whether they are sincere or not..

Anne unnie was like something totally unexpected..
Think among all my frenz..
She's the one that i click with almost instantly besides Liyy..
With her, i feel like i can just talk as i like..
And that i know she will never judged me..
I can rant at her.. I can be a bitch infront of her..
Coz she understands me..
There are less then 10 pple i trust in this world besides my family..
They are - Liyy, Jo Unnie, Sophia, Anne Unnie, Hye-min, Yoo-jin, Steph..Kaysi unnie..
They love me for who i am..
And not someone else..

Above all things, the things i value the most in friendship is Sincerity and Trust..
Maybe im just lucky to have found such people in my lifetime..
That few gals..

2007-07-21T01:35:00.000+09:00

Sometimes..
You should just forget about things..
And just move on...

잊다~

2007-07-07T17:31:00.000+09:00

Was looking through my Box of memories yesterday..
Yup you heard me right..
I do keep a box which contains all the letters and cards send to me from my forum sisters, Bffs & Family members
So that why i called it Box Of Memories..

It has been awhile since i look through it..
And after not crying for a long time..
I just kinda broke down..
I read each and every1 of the cards/letters..
In it contains all the encouragement..
All the love..

Someone wrote this quote..And i couldn't resist writing it here..
Its very emo..But who cares..Im feeling emo..

" Death is terrible, insane, wretched...
Life is beautiful, fragile and bright..
We lie in between, struggling with fleeting happiness or passing grief..
Even in the heart of darkness,
We must remember the light "
Leong Ching

2007-07-05T19:15:00.000+09:00

Back from holz..
Been like 2 weeks???
I dunno..

Anne coming to spore soon..
bringing her around..
Hmm..
What is interesting in this country..

2007-06-17T15:53:00.000+09:00

Going on holiday..
Beach and sunshine..
Soakin up the rays..
*As if*
haha

See you people on the 23rd..

2007-06-12T02:49:00.000+09:00

I wanna let it go..
Let it all go...
Im so tired..

널 미워!!!!

2007-05-29T22:48:00.000+09:00

c'est toi que j'aime
^That means "its you i love" in french..

영원한 사랑 (Eternal Love)
^That is what i've been trying to find..

2007-05-23T13:41:00.000+09:00

우울한 기분으로.. I feel like i should just be on hiatus fully in sjfh until i can find the urge back to go back to that forum..
I dunno..I feel just like i've been dependant on the forum..
i need to like really take a break from it..

And right nw..I can just like cry for no apparent reason..
And i'm really tired..

2007-05-22T12:27:00.000+09:00

널 미워!!!
다만..미움..

2007-05-20T15:22:00.000+09:00

^^Rain..
It hasn't rained for quite awhile here..
Everyday its blistering hot..
I hate it..
And im having cough which i hate..
Must be the side effect of the thing..

Rain rain..

그간에,인생의 이면..
비감..아우성치다..

2007-05-19T21:11:00.000+09:00

Summers here..
Like my dollmaker doll?..
haha..
very cute right..
Omgg..haven't blog for the longest time..Was busy..Had no time..
April had ended..I think the month of april was the worst month i ever experience..
The accident and all..
May is going to end soon too..
Celebrated my 19th saengil on the 14th..
received loads of things..
I also received lots of love from my close friends..
Can you believe i even received gifts from my forum sisters..
OMGG!!!
They are the best..

And i Love them..

2007-04-18T17:31:00.000+09:00

세상을 따라 난 가지만 슬픈마저 함께 가는 건가요 너무 그리웠던 날  불러 본 그대 마음뿐인 상처는 아물겠죠

How can i say this but each day, i feel like i'm losing myself.. The tears which i have shed had been endless.. And right now, i'm really tired.. People see me as this cheerful and friendly girl but do they know how hard it is for me to keep up this strong facade that i am always showing to everyone?.. It is emotionally draining.. I'm being emo again.. And i'm not even pmsing.. What the hell..
Even the Suju boys have been emo lately.. read their cyworlds and you know..
Can anyone hear my shout for help???

만일 단쉬 나 수있다 잊다 모든것..
수있다 나?

2007-03-15T12:28:00.001+09:00

Growing up, i was kind of a lonely kid.. I hate mixing around with kids my age.. I don't know why.. I always felt like i was different.. Different in a sense of how i look.. How i carry myself and such.. Even as a young girl, i have a very low self-esteem.. It was not until secondary school that i dare to open up to people.. It was not until then did i dare to be myself and not someone who is just a fake persona of who i really am.. I found this group of friends who i can depend on.. Who i can count on.. We were a big group.. I think there was like 14 of us.. I never did really mix around with my malay friends.. I just can't click with them..

Then i started knowing a lot of online 친구 who shares the same interest as me.. I met Amanda, Jamie and Weiling to name a few a few years back from Won Bin FC.. Then a few months ago i made a whole group of new 친구.. We had this gathering which i think i partly organized.. The Super Junior Singapore Gathering!!.. Omgg.. That was loads of fun.. Not forgetting the girls from SJFH.. They rocks too.. And they are from all over the world.. Anyway, among that whole lot of us, i made a new friend who i can count on.. And she has become one of my closest friend.. Its usually difficult for me to have a close friend.. I've 10 fingers and i think i've only 6 close friends including this girl.. BTW, you should know who i'm talking about.. This gal i mean..My 5 other friends are Hee-Jin, Amanda aka mandy, Hye-Min, Ling & Yoo-Jin.. Hee-Jin,Hye-Min & Yoo-jin are like living so far away so the only way to communicate is through the phone and net.. so yeah..

네 두 손을 들어 하늘을 가려도
하나 감출 수 없는 것처럼
널 사랑하는 내 맘도 가릴 순 없어 널 사랑해
사랑 뒤에 숨은 이별이 올까봐
겁이 나 널 놓진 않을게

2007-03-03T19:24:00.000+09:00

I've kinda been busy this whole week.. Met up with some friends on Tuesday.. Went shopping.. Bought a bag.. and other stuff.. Lately been really crazy on shopping.. I'm becoming BROKE!!! .. I still have My Planner and My Dong Bang Rising Sun Concert which i have yet to pay.. Oh god.. i'm becoming bankrupt!! My aboji is gonna kill me soon .. My money is flying away so fast!! I can hardly count how much i've spent this month and for your info, i do keep a tab on how much i spent in my trusty organizer.. In Jan, i think i only spent like $170.. But for the month of Feb i've still yet to total up the amount!!!.. I MUST Get a job soon...

Anyway i manage to find an almost lookalike 반지 as MR Park.. lol.. Yay!!! I'm like so over the moon.. Liyy so sorry but i can't find the 반지that GD or Min wears.. I think the 반지 are like make just for them?.. Or we are just not searching hard enough.. hehe..

나 수있다 모든것 !!!

This is a special message for Liyy .. Who has become one of my closest friend even though we only know each other for a short period of time.. I know you are not really happy right now but whatever happens, i'm here to lend you a listening ear if there's ever the need.. Even though sometimes things are too hard for us to accept, it is just part of us trying to grow up in this beautiful but sometime unfair and vicious world.. Smile always dear.. Don't let this thing bring you down.. I cannot say i totally understand how you are feeling right now.. But i can give a word of advice.. My aboji use to say "Nothing can ever bring you down unless you allow it to".. So even if you are not happy with your results, you can still go after your dreams.. Always remember that there are people who loves you and will always support and cheer you on.. Hwaiting LIYY.. Hwaiting.. Aja Aja!!

Timeless

2007-02-24T18:06:00.000+09:00

Timeless
This is not goodbye
If love can't be turned around, This moment will be forever
Hold tight baby
Timeless
Preciously stored in the heart
Like a long sickness that leaves one weary, slowly recovering
We both agree
This is timeless love

No more breathing, i go away slowly
But sorrow, Continues to circle around where it originally was
I call for you with all my strength, who is listening quietly
One heart, still hurt and sobs silently
The tears of yearning cannot be stopped
What comprehension is left to let me be strong?
Cannot hold tight any longer,
Is it possible that everything is meant to be?

Can the romanize lyric for the song Timeless sang by Jang Ri In and Xiah Junsu be any more heart breaking?..

Does Timeless 사랑 exist in this world?.. I keep hearing people getting a divorce, breaking up, etc.. But when i look at my parents, at how deep their love is, i slowly start to believe 사랑 does exist..
It might not be Timeless but .. its better then nothing.. I have never fell in 사랑 but i have like and adore that someone deeply .. For me to tell that special someone that i love them is hard.. Cause i'm not ready to give my whole heart to that person.. I don't know when i'll be ready.. I'm scare i'll get hurt.. I rather protect my heart then have it shattered to pieces by someone..

Oh God.. My enteries are all so Emo!!!.. Oh god.. I'm beginning to sound like Mr Park(P.S. Those who know me will know who Mr Park is..) and that is not a good thing.. I hate being overly emotional and sensitive since i hate people seeing that part of me.. I'm a combination of introvert and extrovert.. There's time when i can really go crazy and have fun and there's time when i can really get lost in my own world..

2007-02-21T14:53:00.000+09:00

Went to meet liyy yeste morning.. Omgg.. We were talking non stop.. It is just amazing how we clicked!! i mean i just knew her for roughly a month but i can talk to her about all sorts of thing under the sun!! Boys, Suju, personal stuff you name it.. We can talk about it without growing bored!!

We thought of doin some shopping but guess what the shops are still close!! Argh.. I wanted to get some shoes but no luck.. But we manage to get rings n earrings didn;t we Liyy?.. haha..

Gonna meet her again i think next week then i think i may shop till i drop!!

P.S - Liyy save more money from today so we can shop like crazy!!! Aja..

Oh and i talked to Jo unnie on the phone for like 20 mins.. OMGG!!

Names

2007-02-18T16:11:00.000+09:00

I'm bored..And since i got nothing else to do..Decided to write some of my friends name in Konglish.

조안네 – Joanne(Jo Unnie)

이야나 – Liyana(Liyy)

야나 – Yana(Yanasot)

지인 – Jean

인다 – Linda(lin Unnie)

2007-02-17T14:34:00.000+09:00

Lately i've been feeling really 피곤한 .. Both emotionally and physically..
Was really 슬픈 about 1 and half weeks ago..
I thought i had forgotten about it..
But in reality, i hadn't..
All i can do now is to look ahead and focus on the future..
On what it will bring me..

No point going back to the past.. I can never change it..
All i know is that i just need move on..
Thanks to Liyy and Jo Unnie for being there for me..
No one knows how much my heart was in pain that day except the both of you..
And for that i'm really am thankful..

At the end of it all,

사랑 is never easy.. sometime it brings you joy.. Sometimes it brings you sadness..
Mine is the latter..

Peace

2007-02-13T01:03:00.000+09:00

I really pray and hope that i can find peace..
Find my way in life..Find who i'm really am..
I'm not talking about 즉음 but just that i want to find my purpose..
But how can i do that when i have such low opinion of myself..
I know i have loads of people who loves me.. But sometime i question myself..

이다 사랑 충분하다? Will it ever be enough?..

Anyway Rest in Peace Jung Da Bin.. You'll be miss.. But i hope you have finally found peace wherever you are..

Love

2007-02-11T15:51:00.000+09:00

뭐라고요 이다 사랑?

In a far way place, where i can't go back..
I will probably lose my way..
We will forget each other..
And the yearning will go away..

만일 단쉬 사랑 이다 수온

You are so far away.. Like you are someone else
No matter how hard you try to hold onto me,
You can't..
You are just like a sad dream in the darkness..
that i just can't wake up from..

나 바라다 나 수있다 잊다 모든것

Life..

2007-02-10T17:14:00.000+09:00

Nothing is ever truly set by fate..

In one blink, everything changes..

Even thoght it should be a clear sunny day,

The softest whisper into the wind can become a hurricane that destroy everything it touches..

Feelings

2007-02-08T12:28:00.000+09:00

I dunno how i'm suppose to feel anymore...

I feel empty..Like a an empty shell..

Each day just passing through life as it is..

How i wish that for once someone would just help me..

Hear my Pain..